(I want to preface this entry with a few words. When I wrote this blog I was watching a story about a girl who lied about being raped. It really frickin' peed me off. As a TRUE rape victim, I can not express to you how traumatizing the experience was and continues to be. I live in fear everyday that I will run in to my rapist, who continues to live his life footloose and fancy free. So I am very sensitive to things like this and I was in a bad mood when I wrote this. So I apologize for my crude language. Hols 1/25/2011)
A heart will never be practical until it can be made unbreakable.
I do not recant. And that dumb bitch is the reason a criminal is currently walking the streets. I am proud of Congress for a change. Repealing DADT is a step in the right direction. Had a discussion with my neighbors tonight. It's difficult to explain my relationship with Jesus. It's so complicated. (For some reason I have Marvin Gaye in my head now...) I need to know so much more about this dude. Much more than the gospels tell me. There are just so many stories, so many theories. And what about those missing years? Jesus frustrates me in a way. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely know that Jesus died for me. I have seen too much evidence in my life. Jesus, apparently, loves me. But I can't love myself. I feel like I have taken a few positive baby steps in that direction this year but I still have so far to go. Big plans for 2011. So my life is.... okay. I'm not in AA (not a huge drinker, unless you count Coke), but the first step is admitting you're wrong, right? I think that's what 2010 has been for me. Admitting, even just to myself, that I was wrong. I felt hurt and I felt justified at the time. Okay, I was pissed at the world. But 2011.... that's going to be the apology tour.....
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