Being new at a church can be like being the new kid in school. I am a people watcher and I've been in a state of exile for quite a while. So watching the people at my church has been like a thirsty man drinking water. I can't get enough of it. What I see, I like. I want to be a part of it. It's the first time I've craved social interaction in over a year. But, being the new girl, I can't seem to find my place. I look around and I see all these shiny and happy people and I feel alone in the crowd. Is there anybody else out there like me? I feel so frustrated. I think it's my age.I even discreetly checked out how I smelled. I smelled awesome. Crest breath, cucumber deodorant, coconut lime verbena lotion, shower powder, and rose body spray. My hair was a little crazy, but my baby hairs refuse to be tamed after almost thirty years. This guy and girl, probably around my age, were looking for a place to sit and I was as excited as a puppy to offer them the seats next to mine. Then I was uncomfortable.
My discomfort stems from myself. I like myself. I like to wear black fingernail polish, I like my clothing style, which is California casual gone Southern. It's distinct. I love my cat. I love my tarot cards. I like different things than most Christians. At least from my previous experiences. I have to learn to get over myself. God gave me gifts. He gave me talents. And he gave me experience. (Sometimes I think he gave me too many experiences.) But most of all God gave me an all-consuming passion to learn more about Him and to grow closer in my relationship to Him. And that is the main thing.
What's amazing is that God is pursuing a relationship with me. I can feel Him trying to talk to me, trying to guide me on my spiritual, emotional, and physical journey through life. I feel hypocritical feeling this way because I denied God for so long. Because I am ..... I will have to finish this at another time.....
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